A New Life Awaits
As one chapter ends, another begins. I’ve existed in this awkward in-between for far too long, fumbling in the dark in search of any light. Forced out of a twenty year massage career, if that’s what you could call it, I’ve tried on many hats over the last five. None of them fit. The frustration, fatigue, and hopelessness had me in a tight-hold. I was desperately ready for this season to end. A barren time of no fruit, failed attempts, and learning hard lessons. On some level I knew I was being forged into something new, but on another level I felt I was being forced. Anger and rebellion swelled and worked against me. Little did I know at the time, all I needed to do was let go and let ‘God’. God was trying to give to me, but I felt like everything was being taken away. Wandering in this dry desert for so long, having lost all that I ever cared about or hoped to have, I’ve cried and waited and prayed.
Though Covid has hurt far too many, in my case it helped. It blessed me with unemployment, time, space, and freedom to find myself. To reinvent myself. I thought it would never happen, but alas I’m almost there. It has taken far too long, because I was looking for others to tell me where to go. I put my trust in the outside world, in psychics, and in other people’s opinions. Finally my eyes are open, and I am seeing it for what it is. A life-long pattern that needed to be changed. A life of not trusting myself and my own inner compass has kept me lost and confused. Believing that one magical day my destiny would come knocking at my front door, I have lied in wait. But, ironically, my fate was to learn that it was I all along who held the key. It was all up to me. Locked in a prison of my own making, I was waiting to be let out. All I had to do was open the door and walk through.
Through all the struggles, doubts, and lessons, I’ve made it. I’ve come out the other end stronger, wiser, and so very capable of calling to me what is mine. No longer seeking permission or approval. No longer asking for directions to my promise land. Now I know it existed within me all along. I may have taken the long way around, but I have come full circle back to myself. And, this is where I stand. At the entrance to a whole new world of promises, opportunities, and blessings. I am planting the seeds and preparing for the harvest, ready to walk that fine line of masculine and feminine, of sowing and of reaping. This is my reentry to a life that was once lost but is now found. This sacred transition from the ordinary to the extraordinary, of this alchemical journey, is never walked alone. Thank you to all who have hurt me, helped me, guided me, and mis-guided me. You’re all my teachers, and I give thanks to each and every one of you.
